My language learning has long become a spiritual journey. 

Communication

Communication is a very complex thing.  I can express myself in words but sometimes I cannot. Sometimes my pen breaks and my mind goes blank and my tongue gets tied. Things happen, In this case, how do I communicate? What do I do? Communication though, can be done through other means, through touch, for example. Touch speaks volumes – and helps me say the unsayable. What I feel is unsayable. But I am here to deal in words – so I’ll keep on trying to verbalise it.

Confidence

Confidence will get you far. You have you heart set on beautiful things, yet without confidence, nothing changes and you continue with your old life.

Growth

Would you call it growth or maturity when you stop caring?   There are things I stopped caring about. Yet, the more I think about it, the more I wonder if I haven’t really – if my caring simply took another form. And it’s okay if I care and don’t care at the same time, It’s okay if my life is never going to be the same.

Transformation

There was a time I truly thought my work was language. But now I can see it is love. My work is love. My work is filling the dark cold empty places with love. These places are inside me, these places are outside of me.  It’s a crazy idea to be alive in a world with a deficit of love. To survive and do my work, I only need to stay connected to love, but it’s hard. I want to stay connected to love, but it proves the hardest. I considered myself a good lover but I am not. I am a student of love and a beginner at that. I want to become the real thing and a real sufi. None of the half-deals and second bests.  This life is my only opportunity, my only shot at materializing love: translating it into words, solidifying it into actions, channeling it into touch.

Anger

I am not a stranger to anger.

Love

Love has always wrapped a cloak of safety around me. For those ephemeral moments, when I truly felt love, I felt safe. But then those moments started to stretch into longer moments and so now I feel more love yet part of me is still cold, and is experiencing pain. My upbringing was short on love and I was a good student of lack and then anger. Nobody has ever felt protective of me, not to my knowledge at least, and not to my feeling, I felt thrown out of consideration and goodwill. But this town opened something in me, opened a new feeling. I met people here whom I am able to connect with and feel this protection. For that, I am eternally grateful.  

Doing your work

Doing your work is the most powerful experience. I am on my way to my work even though there are all these reasons I could give up. I won’t give up on love, I may give up on life, but never on love. But what love teaches me is that life is kind and interesting and shouldn’t be given up on, so I won’t. So, don’t.

Much love, Anastasia

Process

Learning is a process, a process is a lotus flower. It is unfolding and unfolding and unfolding. You learn to love THAT.

 

Truthful

You have to learn how to be truthful. And also, how to be truthful in a language that you haven’t spoken and felt from your early days. It is an exploration of your identity and your truth. It is your thirsty journey to the spring of authenticity from which you’ll drink every time you open your mouth to say a word. You can discover that a ‘foreign’ language has never been foreign after all.

 

Fear

Fear is huge. There is always the other side, however.

The greater the fear, the more festive is the result of going through.

 

Victory

Victory is communication and honest giving of your best

When trying to understand another human and yourself.

 

Years

Years of practice, and you are still a beginner.

 

Falling in love

Language is a thing of beauty.

Learning to appreciate its workings and poeticism leads to falling in love

But what really makes the difference is the relationship you develop with yourself and the connections you develop with others;

What matters are the places you get to go to, and the feelings you get to feel.

 

Power

Language is potent

 

Perseverance

You persevere every day, until you are at the point where you have no choice but to continue. Until language becomes so much part of you, that it feels as though it perseveres to practice you

 

New person

You write and re-write yourself. Language is for stories. For transformation. You couch yourself in metaphors. You can decide to choose different descriptions. Language has a way of seeping into your depths. Choose your words wisely.

 

Emotion

Body responds to emotion. I would even go as far as to say that body is emotion, carved out physically.

Anxiety tends to render me motionless, stuck. I remember being anxious and unable to move. Thus, emotion has to be learnt and embraced, as its own study and its own art

 

Humans

Humans are emotions. There are layers of depth into how human we can be. Is our touch human or mechanical? Are our words habitual mechanical patterns instead of truth and feeling? I believe in a world where people would speak in a poetic way, honestly

 

Love

It’s a long way to learn to love.

 

 much love, Anastasia