Love is a complicated thing. You may love a person – that doesn’t equal them feeling loved. If they say they love you, accept that there is an angle, a perspective, from which they say that. It is possible there is nothing false – they do indeed love you in that moment or in the past. Now if someone tells you all about their love and you don’t feel that energetically, it may be because one, the statement is a lie, two, you’ve got your own benchmarks by which you are feeling loved. If their behavior doesn’t align with the benchmarks, then from your perspective, from your angle, you aren’t loved. If there is no matching of perspectives, there is no possibility for feeling loved.
Things are subject to your perspective. That’s your work to explore how many angles you can assume. Then it is a balance, a sort of dance between assuming the angle and letting go of it. How much of a dancer are you? Can you continue letting go when letting go is the bane of the human life. It feels like agony to let go. And the closer you are to that thing, that person, you are trying to let go of, the more the process stings. There is no recipe for letting go and maybe there should be. One idea is to do it part by part, thing by thing, word by word. You let go, of say, someone you love and have loved for so long – it’s impossible. You aren’t sane in your love. You are drunk and soft and open. You melt in their presence, your every cell is vulnerable. But of course you are attached. You are so, so attached, it’s just as well to be honest about that. Of course you’d prefer to have a different kind of reality – chaste and absolutely spiritual, you are totally unconditional; but you don’t have this reality, you are not that. You are entangled in your attachment, in your want. Maybe it’s quite banal. Maybe they will laugh at you.
When you decide to let go, you strangely experience no pain. A prick of sorrow here and there. But the pain that was there before, it left your body a long time ago. In a way, you are dead. That version of you that was all pain is dead and you know it. You remember being that dying self. You remember the seven circles of destruction. You were destroyed of course by your feelings, and then what happened. You were suddenly pure and in a different place. And here you are. Feeling sorrow. Sorrow is a much smoother emotion, easier to feel. Of course you don’t mind feeling, you trained yourself to feel. To feel life. To feel fresh. To feel the whole gamut. You still feel the negative spectrum but it’s much more ameliorated now. You are doing really well.
So you are attached to that person and the wasted possibilities between you – you feel you have wasted Important. You count your mistakes but know it’s a dance as well. You have danced a dance full of missteps. You remember them. You really remember them. Even their name is a poetic adventure. You feel that you have memorized their name so you could find them here. And now, let go of that. First let it be name. Taste it again, taste it to the fullest. Give yourself the grace of time and patience to taste and then let silence come in its place. It’s okay.
And then you think of their words. You have a special relationship with words. Words have so much heft. Words may be easy to feel or be a hiding place for the emotion, the real thing. What have you felt in their words? Perhaps, everything. A lot of gentleness, a lot of hate. You have felt a fiery love a few times. Taste that, take that. And then, let silence come. Let nothing come in its place.
Don’t be confused or discouraged by when I say “nothing”. Nothing means pure possibility. Once you let go of your attachment, you will feel light, so much lighter. You will be more, so much more. You will be different, you will be the difference that you want to make – in healing this place. Physician, heal thyself, though.